What once felt like second nature, now feels oddly alien. Today, I logged back into Colour Me Copper for the first time in months. I’d actually let my domain name expire, unsure as to whether or not this day would ever come again. But come again it has.
I’m not exactly sure why I stopped blogging. I think it was for lots of reasons: life got busy; work got busy; a wedding was being planned and a new home being moved into. These are some of the reasons why I stopped. But the truth is, a big reason I stopped blogging was because I simply fell out of love with it.
When I first started Colour Me Copper, it was to satisfy that creative urge I had inside. I was in an unhappy job, feeling frustrated most days, and I felt a little lost. I’d always loved to write, and so a blog felt like the right thing to do. And I loved it to begin with. I loved the freedom I had, I loved learning about photography and I loved experimenting with my subject matter. I met some new people through it, gained new followers on my social media channels and, perhaps most importantly, I gained a creative confidence that I hadn’t felt in a while. It was so refreshing.
Somewhere along the way however, it stopped being fun. It became a pressure; I kept seeing what other bloggers were doing and writing about, what they were being sent to review or where they were being invited to go, and I felt…not good enough. We’ve all heard how social media can bring out that awful ‘comparison devil’ in us, as we look at what others have achieved on their fancy Instagram accounts and that feeling of ‘I want that, why can’t I have that?’ starts to creep in.
In short, I had stopped writing for enjoyment and had begun to put a pressure on myself that was unpleasant. Very quickly, I started to criticise my writing; my photos; my lack of originality, even my basic blog design. I felt inferior.
So, I gave it up. Aside from my Croatia travel diary (which was largely a good excuse to show off the fact that my rather handsome boyfriend had bought me the most beautiful engagement ring in the world), I haven’t uploaded a blog since May.
Yet, here I am, on a dark and miserable October evening, deciding to make The Return.
I’ve missed my blog, and I’ve missed writing. I’ve missed the sense of engagement I got from chatting with other bloggers, and I’ve missed having something to feel proud about.
I am setting myself one rule with The Return: to enjoy it. Not to pour self-criticism on myself like hot lava, not to compare myself to those who seemingly have what I want (note to self: what you have already is plenty and perfect), not to worry. Just enjoy this little online space that I can make my own.
It’s good to be back.