As someone who loves to write, sitting down with my laptop this morning to put together this blog post felt weirdly alien. I’ve gotten so out of the flow of writing, of blogging, of being creative, that I didn’t really know what to do or what to say. It was like this little online place that had once been home to me had become so distant and my fingers weren’t quite sure what to type…so I’m just letting them go with it.
My hiatus from Colour Me Copper was well intended to begin with. A lot has changed over the past few months, mainly with my career, and as I transitioned from one job to another, I didn’t feel like it was the right time to blog. I felt lost in myself and an unexpected redundancy from a job that I once loved completely threw me off track. It sucked out the creativity from me, and some of the positivity too, which in hindsight makes me terribly sad but then again, perhaps I needed that break and that time away.
Truth be told, I can’t wholly blame my change in job for the reason I stopped writing and blogging. For the last few months (or maybe even longer), I’ve gradually started to fall out of love with it all. And again, as someone who lives to write and sometimes finds putting pen to paper (or fingertips to keyboard) easier than talking, this break up was painful.
I know there are tonnes of blogs and YouTube videos out there saying the same thing, but the blogging world has become so oversaturated. It’s become fake, a number chasing game, a place for people to compete and judge one another. And I, as much as I hate to admit it, became one of those fake people, one of those chasing the numbers and one of those who judged.
Colour Me Copper stopped being a place I was proud of, and a place for me to escape to, and became a place where I felt the need to put content up that I thought would get me the most views, the most likes on Instagram, the highest possibility of a brand seeing it and thinking “Hey, that girl looks good to work with, let’s send her loads of free shit.” It became less about me and my passions, and more about what I thought I should write.
Enough is enough.
Those of you that know me will how much I’ve changed as a person since the start of the year. I attribute that largely to my WeightWatchers journey (read about that here) but also to the fact that I’ve just grown as an individual, and have learnt more about my identity and my soul in the last six months than ever. Every day the fog gets a little thinner, and I’m seeing more and more good in myself, in my loved ones, in the world around me. It’s so refreshing; there really is light at the end of the tunnel.
As part of that growth, I’ve realised something: this blog is for me. It’s not for anyone else. It’s not to impress my friends, or make my family proud, or get brands to see what I’m doing, or to stick a finger up to those who said I can’t. It’s purely for me. So with that in mind, why the hell am I not writing about stuff that I am passionate about? Why am I prioritising a review of the latest lipstick over my weight loss story, or my mental health journey, or a write up about the fabulous weekend I recently had with my best friends? Who cares if that’s not going to get me thousands of views and hundreds of likes?
This place is mine.
So, I’m starting over.
Hello, I’m Emma. It’s nice to meet you.