There are days where I feel totally grown up; like, I’m paying a mortgage, making a career, thinking of getting a cat kinda grown up. And then there are days where I just don’t feel grown up at all. I feel like a kid again, whether for a good or bad reason, and I can’t quite comprehend the fact that my teens and early 20’s are behind me and it’s about time to be making some serious decisions and commitments in life.
When I was younger, the thought of being a grown up was daunting. All that responsibility and boring decision-making? Nah thanks. I’ll stick to playing with my friends in the garden whilst Mum cooks us fish fingers and chips for tea before we head to Brownies. Those were the days.
The problem with growing up this: you have to start thinking. Like, seriously thinking. Not just about what to wear the next day or what Netflix series to watch next (although I won’t lie, this does take up quite a bit of my thought space) but thinking about where I’m going in life, where I want to be in 10 years time, what I need to change in order to achieve things. This kind of thinking takes a lot of energy and can be downright terrifying at times.
There are some good things about being grown up: I have a salary, I have a degree, I have my own home, I own a slow cooker. But being an adult has its pitfalls too and one of the biggest I find is this recognition of how time is flying. Even just saying that makes me sound old. I’m not trying to say 27 is over the hill – it’s certainly not and I’m very aware that I have a lot of life left to live. But that’s what is scary: I have so much more to do, things I want to do, but life is rushing so fast.
I’m not sure that I fully appreciate my life sometimes. Sure, I know that I’m very lucky to have a wonderful partner, fantastic friends, a roof over my head and a good job. But I spend so much time thinking about grown up stuff and worrying about getting things done before I turn 30, 35, 40 etc, that I’m not really taking the time to appreciate the now. That’s the problem with being a grown up. You get bogged down in trying to speed up life and hit these milestones.
That’s why, from now onward, I am pledging to enjoy my life EXACTLY AS IT IS. Not worrying about the future and how to fulfill certain things. I have a bunch of awesomeness in my life right now that I mustn’t neglect. Being a grown up doesn’t have to be about the scary stuff, it’s about being independent, confident and settled. Let’s focus on that.